How to Approach a Narcissist (Understand the New Way)

  • By: Phil Taylor
  • Time to read: 8 min.

Confronting a narcissist isn’t easy They are not interested in the feelings of others and often feel entitled to special treatment. It is important to understand how to approach a narcissist and what kind of conversations you should have with them.

It is important to know that narcissistic people usually don’t want help from anyone else, especially when it comes to their problems. It is best not to try and offer advice or give them any solutions as they will likely reject your help.

Having said that there are 5 ways you can approach a narcissist and come away on top.

5 Things You Should Do Before You Approach A Narcissist.

1. Have realistic expectations.

2. Radical acceptance.

3. Don’t engage.

4. Don’t defend yourself or attempt to explain yourself.

5. Understand Gaslighting.

6. Boundaries.

7. Don’t ruminate and obsess over the interaction.

Have realistic expectations.

When you have realistic expectations about a narcissist, you won’t feel so bad if they let you down or betray you. You won’t be surprised if they switch, and it allows you to be mentally prepared and physically ready for what comes your way.

Radical acceptance.

Radical acceptance is a mental tool we can use to live more fully in the present moment. It involves accepting reality for what it is and not fighting against it. Radical acceptance takes time to cultivate and is best practised with mindfulness, meditation and self-compassion.

Accept that this is what the person is like. Narcissistic people are the most predictable people and will often do what they have always done. (Keep that in mind when you want to get things done).

Don’t Engage.

Don’t engage. Don’t give away too much personal information. When dealing with a narcissist keep the conversation respectful and superficial. Be prepared with topics that you can introduce like the news of the day, the weather or some really boring mundane stuff to avoid the narcissist gaining any leverage over you.

Don’t defend yourself or attempt to explain yourself.

Never get into a fight with a narcissist; they’ll just draw power from you by sucking you into an argument. You should move on to a different topic of conversation, otherwise, they’ll be able to put something together and use it against you. If they try to attach you dont defend yourself or attempt to explain yourself do whatever you can to change the topic or walk away.

If a narcissist sets you up for a fail, never defend yourself – work around the problem they want to highlight your incompetence, keep it moving, and don’t show emotion, they will soon get bored with you as there are easier people to mess with.

Understand Gaslighting.

What is gaslighting and how is it used against you?

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation where one person tries to convince another person that their thoughts, beliefs, or observations are irrational or not true. The term was coined in the play Gas Light and refers to a type of mental abuse where the victim is manipulated into believing that they are going insane or they want you to feel off balance.

If a narcissist is gaslighting you, it will only get them so far. Don’t buy into the lie and don’t allow their techniques to make you emotional. If you don’t understand what gaslighting is then you may also like to read Gaslighting In Relationships to get a better grasp on your situation.

Boundaries.

Boundaries are an essential part of our normal lives. They tell us where to stop and start with different activities, such as work and home life. They also set limits for acceptable behavior in any situation.

We discussed aspects of the radical acceptance plan, and this is a key element. If you’re triggered into a fight or an upsetting event that takes place caused by the narcissist, you’ll likely encounter gaslighting on some level from them at some point having firm boundaries set prior to the conversation or situation then you are set.

For example, if you’re going to a family dinner and your narcissistic mother tries to throw shade on you or does something to upset you, have a plan of action like receiving an urgent text or phone call to get out of there, or having a hotel you can say at if you’re too far away. Don’t allow them to cross your boundaries, stay in control of your own emotions.

Don’t ruminate and obsess over the interaction.

Don’t ruminate and obsess over the interaction you just had with the narcissist. That’s what they want if you’re thinking about what they said or did to you. I once read a short story called The Two Monks and A Woman. It’s worth reading to help you understand why you shouldn’t allow a narcissist to get into your head.

If you find yourself having to deal with a narcissist, there are some things you should keep in mind. First, it is important to remember that narcissists are very self-centred and require a lot of attention. They may try to belittle or demean you in order to make themselves feel better. It is important to remain calm and not take their bait. Second, narcissists often have a sense of entitlement and feel that they are always right. They may try to manipulate or bully you into agreeing with them. Again, it is important to stand your ground and not let them bully you into submission. Finally, narcissists can be very charming and persuasive. They may try to use their charm to get what they want from you.

If you are prepared for their tactics, you can take away their powers and go on living a full and happy life.

Frequently asked Questions.

How to deal with a narcissistic parent?

If you have a narcissistic parent, it can be difficult to deal with them. Here are some tips on how to deal with a narcissistic parent:

  • Try to understand their point of view. It can be helpful to try to see things from their perspective, even if you don’t agree with them.
  • Set some realistic expectations.
  • Don’t take everything they say or do personally. Narcissistic parents often use their children as a way to build themselves up, so don’t take it personally if they criticize you or try to control you.
  • Set boundaries. It’s important to set boundaries with narcissistic parents, both physical and emotional. This will help you protect yourself from their manipulative behavior.
  • Talk to someone else about what’s going on. It can be helpful to talk to someone else who understands what you’re going through. This can help you process your feelings and get support.

The best thing you can do is read the above to get a deeper understanding of what to do or not.

How to approach a narcissistic mother?

A narcissistic mother can be a difficult person to deal with. If you find yourself in a situation where you must approach a narcissistic mother, there are some things you should keep in mind. First, it is important to remember that narcissists are often very charming and articulate. This can be used to your advantage in the conversation. Second, try to avoid getting into any arguments with the narcissist. It is also important to avoid giving them any compliments or attention. Lastly, try to keep the conversation as brief as possible. By following the tips above, you will be better equipped to handle a conversation with a narcissistic mother or to deal with your relationship with a narcissistic mother.

How to deal with a narcissistic family member?

If you have a narcissist in your family, the best way to deal with them is to set clear boundaries. Explain to them what is and is not acceptable behavior, and stick to those boundaries. Don’t allow them to control or manipulate you, and don’t give in to their demands. Keep your interactions with them as brief as possible, and don’t engage in any arguments or debates. If they become abusive, you may need to take measures to protect yourself, such as getting a restraining order or getting out of there as soon as possible remember nothing lasts forever. Remember a narcissist has low self-esteem and deep insecurity.

How to approach a covert narcissist?

When approaching a covert narcissist, it is important to be aware of their tendencies to be manipulative and deceptive. They may try to take advantage of you if they think you are gullible or naïve. It is best to be direct and honest with them, while also remaining calm and collected. If they become agitated or aggressive, simply walk away and end the conversation. A covert narcissist won’t want you to expose or compromise them in any way and if you are not giving them the emotional reactions they want, they will become bored over time and move on to their next victim.

How to approach a narcissistic husband?

Narcissistic husbands can be difficult to deal with. They may be selfish, demanding, and insensitive to your needs. If you have a narcissistic husband, it is important to approach him in a way that will not make the situation worse. Try to avoid attacking or criticising him. Instead, focus on communicating your needs in a calm and assertive way. If you can do this, it may help to improve your relationship with your narcissistic husband. It can be really hard to deal with a narcissistic husband – read the above tips and test them out.

How to approach a narcissistic boss

It can be difficult to deal with a narcissistic boss. They may be demanding, critical, and insensitive to your needs. They may also take credit for your work, or try to control everything you do.

Here are some tips on how to approach a narcissistic boss:

  • Try to stay calm and level-headed. This will help you maintain a clear mind when dealing with them even if they take credit for other people’s work.
  • Be assertive in your communication. This will help you get your point across without getting too emotional even if they blame others for their mistakes.
  • Try to stay positive and upbeat. This will help you keep your energy up and avoid getting too stressed out.
  • Set boundaries with your boss. This will help you protect yourself from their manipulative and grandiose behavior.
  • Don’t give anything away about you or your personal life keep the conversation moving, don’t agree or disagree with them keep it cold to take the sense of self away from them.

Final Thoughts

When dealing with a narcissist, it is important to remember that they are very self-centred and require a lot of attention. They may try to belittle or demean you, but it is important to remain calm. Narcissists also often have a sense of entitlement and feel that they are always right. They may try to manipulate or bully you into agreeing with them. However, it is important to stand your ground. Finally, narcissists can be very charming and persuasive. They may try to use their charm to get what they want from you.

Our best advice is not to engage with them and, if you have to, set some clear expectations and boundaries to what you will tolerate. If you have found this post useful then you may find Things Covert Narcissists Say In An Argument of use.